Blame Game
by CrazyBeaver
Summary: After one of the agents gets disavowed under mysterious circumstances and another one suddenly takes a vacation, it's up to the other two to find out the truth. But sometimes it feels like some secrets shouldn't have been discovered...
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Okay, so let's see how I can handle writing two stories at the same time. Hope you guys enjoy this one!_

_I don't own anything in the Mission: Impossible universe._

**Chapter 1**

Agents Hunt and Carter were glad to be back at the headquarters after their latest mission. This one hadn't been as much of a thrill ride as some of the others, and it hadn't involved either of them climbing buildings, riding on the roofs of high speed trains or taking out huge goons. However, it had taken its sweet time.

"I know I've already told you," IMF Secretary Lovett's voice was solemn but he allowed himself a little smile as he was looking at the team in front of him, "but congratulations, my friends. You all did great on your mission," he watched the agents smile and nod.

The briefing was already over and people were leaving the conference room one by one. Jane and Ethan approached the secretary, enjoying the slightly informal atmosphere after their recent triumph.

"Yes?" Lovett looked at them quizzically but still with a smile on his face.

"We'd like to know if Brandt and Benj— I mean, Dunn are back from their missions," Ethan asked, returning the smile. It would be nice to go out for drinks with some old friends… However, the agent found his smile fading as Lovett's face dropped.

"Agent Brandt is on vacation. He completed a highly exhausting mission just last week and has requested some time off. Agent Dunn… has been disavowed".

Jane and Ethan both froze where they were.

"Why?" Jane finally pushed out.

"He had a mission in Milan… and it didn't go as smoothly as expected. Being the only survivor of the team has left him… mentally unstable".

Ethan's eyes widened and Jane made a sharp intake of breath.

"How bad is it? Where is he now?" Ethan's voice was strained. Maybe Benji could use some friendly support now? Agent or not, he was still their friend.

"We have no information on his current whereabouts," the reply was dry and formal. "I am sorry, I'll have to leave you now".

The Secretary quickly made his way out and the two confused agents had nothing left to do but follow. It all seemed out of place. Brandt had never stricken them as a holiday person. And Benji… Ethan knew what it was like to be the only survivor on the team. He knew it was traumatic. And he had no idea what exactly had happened to Benji's team. But Benji was tough. He had gone through preventing the literal end of the world by mere seconds. He had nearly been killed. He had killed. Nothing had left him absolutely unaffected but he had always found the strength and ability to move on. And now… It was all too abrupt and slightly unbelievable.

As they walked along the corridor, they bumped into Luther who somehow didn't look too glad to see his friends, nodding as a greeting and making to walk away before Ethan grabbed him by the elbow.

"Do you know where Brandt might be now?" he asked, wondering himself why he had asked about the analyst first. Luther shrugged.

"On vacation. He really needs one after his last mission".

"What was that mission about?" Ethan pushed forward.

"It's classified".

"What about Benji?" Jane intervened and watched Stickell's expression turn even grimmer than before.

"He's been disavowed," he replied, looking away. Ethan narrowed his eyes.

"What happened in Milan?" he asked in an attempt to grasp the sense of events.

"I don't really know. I heard that his entire team had been killed. The entire building their safe house was in exploded. Benji survived by pure luck. Went out to check something".

"And he went… mentally unstable?" Jane was trying to be careful with that expression; it frightened her by itself.

"How bad is it?" Ethan found himself asking the same question the second time in the same day.

"I don't know. Must be pretty bad if it got him disavowed. I only saw the medical conclusion very briefly," Luther still avoided meeting the other agents' glances. "But he can't be dangerously insane, otherwise they would have had him institutionalised," he looked down and swallowed. "Maybe they should have…" he added under his breath but the other two didn't hear him.

"You don't sound like you believe it," Ethan remarked quietly.

"As far as I know, it's true," Luther finally looked up to face his colleagues. He glanced around him before continuing. "It's just that it's not the whole truth".

He ignored the startled looks the other two gave him and sighed.

"We can't talk about it here. Come to my place tonight at eight".


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you for the reviews! This chapter… well… please don't kill me for it._

_I don't own Mission: Impossible._

**Chapter 2**

"I think you know that this conversation is not happening," Luther looked even more cheerless than earlier that day as Ethan and Jane sat on his couch and they nodded in understanding. The entire atmosphere made them feel very uncomfortable. They sensed that something very important remained untold. Something that was clearly bugging their colleague. They both felt their worry increase.

"Does Brandt know what happened to Benji?" Jane asked awkwardly.

"He does," Luther's mouth became a thin line. He was about to add something but paused hesitantly.

"And he just went on vacation?" Ethan looked incredulous. Surely Brandt would have waited for them so that together they would be able to do something. Luther just shrugged, his expression unidentifiable.

"Do we really have no idea where Benji is?" Jane felt her heart pounding in her chest as she watched Luther's expression harden even more.

"The official statement is that we never saw him after he had been disavowed".

"But this official statement is bullshit?" Ethan read in his friend's features. Luther nodded.

"It's kept secret for whatever reason I don't know and care about but I thought you had the right to know," as he spoke, the other two agents got the increasing unsettling feeling in their stomachs. Something was wrong. Something was even more wrong than they had already been told. "IMF know exactly where Benji is now. He's dead".

There was a silence which seemed to last for ages. The guests' eyes went wide as they were trying to process the information.

"What?" Jane whispered as her eyes were beginning to well up.

"How do you know that?" Ethan demanded, trying to block the emotions.

"I was there when it happened," Luther let out a shaky breath. "In fact, I was wearing the sunglasses with an in-built video camera. I have the video. I was thinking… maybe if you watch it, you can make sense out of this because I still can't believe it".

He motioned for them to come up to the desk where his laptop was. Jane was blinking rapidly as she walked, trying to clear her vision from the tears. Everything was just going from bad to worse that day. And now she was going to watch one of her best friends die. That thought alone made her dizzy. She looked over at Ethan whose face didn't show any emotion at all.

"I don't have the sound though," Luther remarked, opening the file. "The audio track was lost when I was retrieving the file from Lovett's computer. I can go through everything that was said… Or I could leave it to you," he added to Ethan, who nodded. Lip-reading was one of the most useful abilities he had. "And before we start… I have no idea what the mission was all about. I was called to come there as escort. No-one would explain me anything".

The video started with a man both Jane and Ethan recognised as agent Steiner walking into some room which looked like it hadn't been visited in quite a while, as everything was covered in dust.

"They are here," Ethan said out loud, watching the man's lips move.

There was a short pause as Steiner was listening to something from off screen.

"That's Lovett telling to let them in," Luther commented.

Jane was about to ask who "they" were but then she saw the door open and two men entered. Both she and Ethan felt their hearts sink at the sight. One of the men was Benji, looking nothing like the cheerful and amiable technician they knew. His hands were bound behind his back and he seemed to be slightly unsteady on his legs. His face was covered in various cuts and bruises, including a split lip and an equally split eyebrow. The blood from those injuries had seemingly dried out but nobody had bothered to clean it up. The expression on his face, emphasised by the beatings, was so not Benji that it made the agents cringe. His eyes which had usually had a fun spark in them were now dark and full of some different kind of energy. His glare was heavy, drilling holes in its target. It seemed like he would strangle the person he was looking at if he had enough physical strength left in him.

The sight was unsettling enough but it wasn't all, as Jane and Ethan were now looking at the second man who was holding Benji's arm, as if to prevent him from making a run for it. The man also had some beatings on him, including a nasty looking black eye and a cut on his lip, but his injuries were cleaned up and tended to. But it wasn't what startled the agents. The worst thing was that they recognised the man. It was Brandt.

The two agents found themselves looking from the screen to Luther and back, unable to hide their disbelief. Their older friend seemed to have had the same reaction at the time, as the camera also moved from the newcomers to Lovett before returning to its previous position. Benji moved his gaze to Stickell for the first time and now that he looked directly into the camera he was even scarier than before.

"Luther," Ethan read, thankful that he couldn't hear what the techie's voice had actually sounded like back then. There was a quick change in his expression, as if he was stricken by seeing Luther there, after which his features hardened even more. Jane found herself shrugging. Now she understood what "mentally unstable" had meant. That look of pure murder on the once smiling and youthful face looked terrifyingly insane. It was the look of a hunted animal.

"I see you're not done brainwashing people, are you, Lovett," Benji suddenly spoke, his eyes fixed on Lovett again. Brandt visibly winced at that. It was clear that seeing his friend like that hurt him as much as it hurt Jane and Ethan.

"Now Lovett's asking Brandt if Benji was as paranoid when he found him as he is now," Luther commented quietly and they watched Brandt nod slowly. The analyst then turned to the secretary and the pain in his eyes became more visible to the viewers.

"So what are you going to do with him now?" Ethan voiced him.

"We'll keep him somewhere safe and under watch," Luther supplied his colleagues with Lovett's reply. "Where he won't be able to put IMF under threat".

"How nice of you," Benji smirked. "But I kinda like it here. I am not stupid, Lovett. I know what you are up to".

"You are delusional, Benjamin," Luther's voice was trembling as he recalled the secretary's voice saying this.

"I'm sorry to be breaking it to you but your plan is doomed," Benji's expression was uncharacteristically smug despite the beatings and the fact that he was restrained. "I've made some friends here. Powerful friends. And they are watching me from distance. You're not taking me anywhere from here".

Luther turned his head to Lovett at last and Ethan saw the man's eyebrow rise.

"Do you have any confirmation of this?" he asked. The camera moved to Brandt who shrugged hesitantly.

"I don't know… Maybe it's the paranoia again?" the analyst suggested.

There were more shaky movements and Steiner ran into view.

"Sir, I don't like this!" he blurted out. "Several cars are approaching, and I can't figure out where they are from".

"You better leave me alone," Benji's face was suddenly calm. "They won't let you escape. They are tracking me".

There was a pause for a few seconds when suddenly Brandt took his gun out.

"I am so sorry, Benji," Ethan's voice was strained as he pronounced the analyst's words. He and Jane watched in horror as Benji's eyes widened in an expression of child-like vulnerability as Brandt pointed the gun at his chest and pulled the trigger.

Even though there was no sound, the agents could hear the gunshots in their heads. Two of them. To be sure. They felt sick, watching Benji's jaw drop a bit as blood escaped the two wounds in his chest. Brandt was shaking, fumbling with his gun in an attempt to hide it and ending up just dropping it to the floor instead. Benji fell to his knees, still looking Brandt directly in the eye. William rushed to him and took hold of his shoulders, obviously not thinking much of the threat upon them and of the fact that they had to leave.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry," Ethan read out, his voice trembling as his vision was getting blurry. Brandt led Benji to the floor, supporting his neck and seemingly trying to get some sort of a reply to his apologies. But there was no reply. Benji just convulsed for a few more painful seconds before going completely limp.

The camera started moving, approaching the two. Brandt was pulled away forcefully and a hand appeared on the screen, pressing against Benji's neck.

"I wanted to confirm it myself," Luther explained in a low voice, reliving the sickening moment when he found no signs of life in someone who had once been so full of it. "He's dead".

The video was over.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Thank you for not killing me! And for still being interested in this story. Here's the new chapter, I hope it's good enough._

_I don't own Mission: Impossible._

**Chapter 3**

"What happened next?" Ethan asked after a long pause. Jane wasn't even trying to stop the tears at this point.

"We ran for it," Luther was staring into the air in front of him. "Left the body behind. Brandt…" he noticed Jane's hands form into fists at the name, "Brandt later explained that we couldn't have let Benji go, not with the secrets he knew. And that he would have suffered with his… mental state anyway".

There was another pause, cut off by a sigh from Luther.

"I just think he was looking for excuses for himself. To assure himself there really was no other way, you know… Anyway, we came back home, Brandt asked for a vacation and I haven't seen him in a few days since then".

"But what if… what if it's some kind of a trick?" Jane made an attempt at making a logical explanation to this madness. She couldn't believe that Benji was gone, and processing the fact that he was murdered by Brandt was even more difficult.

"How can we know it was actually them?" Ethan asked suddenly, and two sets of eyes focused on him, confused. "I once pulled this trick when some guys were after me. You must remember it, Luther. Just put a mask on a guy and made them think it was me".

Jane's eyes lightened with hope. The sparkle was gone as soon as she saw Luther shake his head.

"We ran DNA tests before they had come in. For both of them. It was definitely them".

There was a pause as Jane covered her face with her hands and Ethan looked down.

"And what if…"

"No, Ethan. Trust me, I know a dead man when I see one. I have thought about it a lot. I don't want to believe it, either. But I was there and saw it".

Something cold and tight was wrapping itself around the younger agents' chests. Something was clenching their throats with a suffocating grip. They didn't know how long they had been sitting there, not thinking about time. They had no idea what to do. Subconsciously they were angry. It was easy to blame everything on Brandt but what if he really had no choice? And he would have _never_ done what he did if there had been a slightest glimpse of hope. And Benji… Would he have gotten back to normal if he had lived? Or would he have spent the rest of his life in… _that_ state? Paranoid, delusional, so painfully not himself…

All these thoughts were running through all of the three agents' minds, as if they were sharing them wordlessly. It was Ethan who broke the silence.

"I think we should try to figure it all out together," he looked at Luther, his eyes filled with a mix of sincere gratitude to his friend for letting them know the truth and sorrow at what they had just learned. "Thank you, Luther".

He shook his friend's hand and he and Jane left without saying anything.

There was a wordless agreement that Ethan would take Jane home. He just opened the door of his car and motioned for her to get in and she did. Not a single word was spoken on their entire way. No words were required as no words could express the storm of thoughts in both of their heads. Soon the storm was over, leaving both of them empty and numb. They were just tired after their mission. Two tired bodies with blissfully empty minds. They had only been back in town that morning. Now it seemed like it had been years ago. Like in some different parallel universe, where Benji was alive and sane and Brandt didn't have his friend's death on his conscious. And this universe was utterly wrong and different. Jane wouldn't be surprised if she saw a zombie apocalypse break out right at that moment. Everything was possible in this new surreal world. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Everything was real. It was their world. She needed a drink.

It was a few seconds after the car had stopped when Jane realised they were there. She nodded at Ethan who offered a small humourless smile and got out of the car.

It still hadn't quite sunken in. Still needed its time to be digested. In her life she had gone through a lot. Especially given their line of work. It was inevitable, really. They were at wars all the time. Invisible wars. Different wars. But wars nevertheless. And people get hurt and die at war. _And there also often are traitors, _she thought, pouring some brandy into the glass. She wanted someone to tell her it wasn't true. Or just give her something to cling to. _I should have invited Ethan to come in_, she mused as she settled herself on the couch. Whenever she had lost someone before, there always had been someone with her, be it a relative or a friend. Last time it was when Trevor had been killed. It was Benji who had been sitting in front of her on that train taking them away from Budapest, and even though they hadn't known each other that well by that point, his mere presence was reassuring. They hadn't spoken at all but she was sure Benji had known what she had been feeling. It was like some sort of a wordless communication that had formed between them. Something that would show itself later on… But not anymore. She didn't know how much time had passed as she sat on her couch with the lights off. She didn't notice as she fell asleep on that same couch, the untouched glass of brandy still on the coffee table in front of her.

Ethan watched Jane walk to the door and then remained in his place for a couple more minutes, watching the lights being switched on inside. He sighed. Damned professional habits. Having to be on full alert despite any personal circumstances. Here there wasn't even any logical reason to worry. They weren't on any mission, there was no real threat. And yet those instincts had been forming for years.

Shaking his head silently, Ethan started his car again. Now that he was alone he had an opportunity to reflect on the events of the day. Being more experienced than Jane, he took things slightly differently. What he had gone through during his years at IMF had taught him to cope with everything. It didn't mean that he couldn't feel grief anymore. It didn't mean there was no pain at all. Everything was just dulled down to some habitual level. Ethan smirked bitterly. Habits again. His eyes watched the road and the body responded to the information automatically while his mind kept replaying that video inside his head. Benji's wild eyes. Brandt's shaking hands. _The shots_. _Right in the heart_, Ethan mused absently. _Convenient. A quick death without a too extensive bleeding. Less work for the cleaners had they been involved._ His stomach twisted when he realised what he was thinking about. He was actually complimenting his friend's murderer. Who was also his friend. Ethan felt sick. Damned professional habits.

He was opening the door to his apartment when he heard someone approaching him. He tensed instinctively and turned to face the source of the sound.

"Ethan?" the voice was soothingly familiar. The agent let out an audible sigh when he saw a young woman step into view. It was Martha, a student who occupied a neighbouring apartment. Unlike most students her age, she was all into her studies.

"Hey," Hunt smiled at the girl. At one point Ethan had decided she was trustworthy enough and some things addressed to him were sent to her. It mainly was personal stuff. He rarely got anything anyway. And now she was holding some package.

"This arrived the other day," she said, handing him the package. It was clear she didn't quite understand why the whole chain of deliveries was necessary but was too shy to ask. "It says it's for you".

After thanking Martha and watching her hurry back to her apartment Ethan turned his confused look to the package. Once at home, he made sure the door was locked and opened the wrapping.

Inside there was a phone. No message attached, no carving, nothing. Letting out a nervous breath, Ethan pushed the button on the side, only to hear the already sickening "retinal scan required". So IMF now got to his personal contacts. He wondered who told about it. Only his closest friends knew, and he didn't have that many of them.

"Agent confirmed," could be heard after about two seconds. And then another voice sounded. The voice that made his eyes widen.

"Ethan, before I start, nobody must know that you got this message," Hunt's heart was pounding in his ears almost too loudly for him to recognise the voice. Almost. He knew it too well to make any mistakes. It was William Brandt. "Nobody except for you and Jane. I… I need your help".


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thank you for the wonderful reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter…_

_I don't own Mission: Impossible._

**Chapter 4**

Ethan felt he had to do something to break the awkward silence which had lasted for hours. Jane barely spoke during the entire flight and now that their plane was about to land in Milan it was getting actually painful.

He remembered calling her the night he had gotten Brandt's message. She had sounded sleepy, not quite understanding what was going on. He still felt sorry about forgetting the time but that message had gotten him really agitated.

He still wasn't sure why she had agreed to go in the first place. He had a hunch that she wasn't sure about it, either. Hell, he wasn't even sure about his own reasoning. Brandt had sounded like he really needed help. But what it was all about remained mystery. The message left more questions than answers, to be honest. It merely had Brandt asking Ethan to get Jane and go to Milan, with some further instructions like passing through a certain exit, presumably to be seen by a certain security camera…

This provoked another question. Was Brandt alone? Unlikely. Someone must be helping him. And why Milan? Ethan remembered it was where Benji's failed mission had taken place. Was it related somehow to that disaster? Maybe Brandt knew something about the deaths of Benji's team. That would explain the secrecy. And what if…

He was cut off. They had landed and it was time to go. He didn't like the fact that they were traveling like that. It meant they couldn't bring any weapons with them and had virtually no supplies.

After following all of Brandt's instructions, which involved taking a taxi ride to the city centre and quite a bit of walking, the two agents stopped at an appointed spot and saw a car pull up next to them. The driver didn't say a word, motioning for them to take the back seat.

During the entire trip Ethan kept his eyes fixed on Jane. Her hands were clenched into fists and her eyes were glistening, however her breathing was calm and steady. He could only guess how things would go once they met Brandt. Looking out of the window, he noticed that they were moving out of the city and were now passing through some suburbs.

When the car finally stopped, both Ethan and Jane felt some uneasiness twisting their stomachs. The fact that they had actually anticipated to see what was waiting for them didn't change the fact. Jane suddenly felt repulsed. She was torn between not wanting to see Brandt ever again and the desire to look him in the eye, to see if murdering someone who had considered him a friend had changed him at all. Would he look guilty? Pained? Devastated?...

The car drove away as soon as they got out and the agents could take a look around. They were in a deserted area which looked like some abandoned plant. It was absolutely quiet. As trained agents, they had learned not to like this kind of silence. It was too suspicious. Suddenly, a set of footsteps could be heard and the pair tensed, ready for everything. However, as soon as they saw the man approaching them, they relaxed a bit.

Brandt could only be described as tired. The black eye they had seen in the video wasn't completely gone yet and the remains of it could still be seen. Same could be said about his split lip. But other than fatigue and some concern about things neither Ethan nor Jane knew about, his face showed no emotions whatsoever. It made Jane angry, and she gritted her teeth. Brandt gave his colleagues a small smile but didn't get any in return. Ethan cut him off before he even started to speak.

"So this is how you're spending your holiday?" he asked with an unreadable expression.

"Italy's nice this time of the year," Brandt shrugged weakly. He looked around and sighed. "We can't talk here. Follow me".

He led them into something that looked like an old hangar or an empty workshop. He sensed the coldness emanating from the other two but decided not to comment on it yet.

"So why did you call us here?" Ethan spoke again, the lack of expression once again notable both in his face and voice. Jane remained dangerously quiet.

"I think you'll understand me better if I tell you the whole story first," the analyst swallowed, trying not to meet Jane's glare, as it sent shivers down his spine.

_**One Week Earlier**_

"_Agent Brandt," Lovett's expression was heavy and slightly sympathetic. The combination didn't make Brandt feel any more comfortable. "The mission you are about to receive is not for anyone else to hear. Even inside IMF. And… I'm afraid it will be of… personal nature for you"._

_Brandt raised an eyebrow. Whatever it was, it didn't sound good._

"_Seven days ago we got the information that one of our teams had failed a mission in Milan. Actually, they have been killed in an explosion. The official cause is a gas leak. We don't have any evidence to prove or deny that. The mission was vitally important. I had to fly there myself to set things right…"_

_Brandt was listening but his heart was racing. He remembered Benji mentioning going to Milan a while ago. Oh God, no…_

"_However, one of the agents survived the explosion," Lovett went on. "We found him not far from the scene. I think you know him. It's agent Dunn"._

_Brandt let out an audible sigh of relief._

"_However, I'm afraid the event didn't leave him untouched," Lovett looked down and took a pause. "His mental… state made us worry a lot. We had to take him to be examined in one of the local hospitals…"_

_Brandt forgot how to breathe for a moment. His heart was twisting in his chest as he was waiting for the older man to continue._

"_Our worst suspicions were proven right. Agent Dunn was proclaimed insane. He suffers from paranoia and delusions," Brandt felt his vision blur as he listened. He was trying really hard to keep his emotions in order but it was too difficult. Imagining something like this happen to his best friend really hurt. "I'm afraid he has completely lost his touch with reality. Needless to say, we had to disavow him. I am sorry to be telling you this"._

"_Where is he now?" Brandt's throat was sore and his voice was barely recognizable._

"_And this is the trick," Lovett sounded even sadder than before. "After the examination he managed to escape. We were going to take him back to the US and take care of him, so that he would be safe and wouldn't put us in danger of being discovered"._

_Brandt swallowed._

"_So what am I supposed to do?" he asked in a low voice._

"_Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find Benjamin Dunn. Preferably alive. Our contacts in Milan will show you to the place he was last seen. We figured that you know him better than any of the available agents… I will understand if you refuse"._

_Brandt shut his eyes tightly. This was going to hurt. This was going to really hurt. But maybe there was a chance for them to help Benji? Maybe they could keep him safe and… Oh God, this was going to hurt. He opened his eyes, looked up at the secretary and nodded, unable to utter a word._


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Thank you for the reviews and the support. Being as impatient as I am, I couldn't resist the urge to upload a new chapter. Hope you enjoy!_

_I still don't own them…_

**Chapter 5**

_Once in Milan, Brandt spent the entire first day checking the surroundings and talking to the contacts who had seen Benji. It made sense that they wanted to take him back to America instead of leaving him for the local authorities. He knew too much, and even despite being declared insane, he could still raise some suspicions. He suddenly realised that he was avoiding actually going to search for Benji. He was afraid to see what he had become. However, it was his job and it had to be done. And it was for Benji's good._

_It had already gotten dark when Brandt found himself in a narrow passageway. He had been told Benji had been seen here for a few times. Somehow he had always managed to get away. Brandt looked up and sighed. This was hopeless. How was he supposed to find a man in a big city? Especially given that the man in question was a secret agent? A mentally unstable secret agent, he had to remind himself, feeling a lump in his throat again. He really had no idea what Benji would act like in his state. Would he even recognise him? He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't notice the noises around him. The sound he finally registered was a very familiar click of a gun right behind him._

"_Looking for someone?" the voice was harsh and low but Brandt recognised it at once. It was, undoubtedly, Benji. His insides froze and he had to swallow hard. He didn't know Benji was armed. What were these people thinking? A mental person with a gun. And now this gun was pointed at him._

_Brandt was trying figure out what to do. Try and disarm Benji? Too dangerous. He didn't know what the man was capable of and didn't want to learn it the hard way. Maybe he should say something to him? Something to calm him down? He opened his mouth to speak but felt the barrel of the gun push against the back of his head._

"_And don't even try any of your tricks," Benji hissed into his ear, every word turning the analyst's blood into ice more and more._

_Brandt felt himself being pushed forward and had nothing left to do but obey. They walked along the dark and empty streets until Brandt stopped even keeping the track of them. Sometimes it seemed to him that they passed the same spots several times. He was suddenly hit by the bitter irony: when they had first met in Moscow, Benji had pointed a gun at him, too. Now, however, there was no guarantee that he wouldn't pull the trigger. They had been friends but now… Brandt wasn't even sure Benji knew who he was at all._

_There were some doors opening and shutting and finally the analyst was pushed quite forcefully into a small and seemingly abandoned dusty room. The push was so strong that William nearly fell over. He still felt unsure what to do as he watched the other man shut the last door. He had to fight back a gasp when Benji finally turned to face him._

_The former technician now looked completely exhausted. The expression on his face made him look much older than he was. His eyes were dark and piercing, any sort of emotion impossible to identify in them. Brandt felt chills down his spine._

"_Okay, we don't have much time," Benji spoke at last, trying to sound quiet for whatever reason. "Why are you here?"_

"_I…" Brandt was struggling to find his voice._

"_Let me guess, Lovett sent you," Benji started pacing the room. He looked incredibly nervous and it made Brandt worry._

"_Well… um… yes," William's uneasiness grew._

"_He won't get me alive," the words sounded slightly creepy. Brandt had never thought he would ever be creeped out by Benji. "I assume that's what he wants…"_

"_Preferably," Brandt recalled the Secretary's instruction._

_Benji let out a small laugh which was even more unsettling considering that the analyst didn't find the situation funny at all._

"_Preferably," he repeated slowly, as if having a difficulty grasping the word. "Still, he decided to send you instead of having one of his men here take me out," only now Brandt realised that Benji did really recognise him._

"_Why… why would he need to take you out?" he tried to sound comforting despite his voice was shaking._

_Benji, who was now standing by a window, letting what little light came from the street fall on his pale face, looked outside shiftily and moved away from it._

"_And why are you looking around like that? Who are you afraid of?" Brandt spoke almost like to a child._

"_They are watching me," was a hissed reply. "Every day. Constantly. And before you say it's all my paranoia, I'd like just to point out the fact that you are here. You knew where to go and where to find me. And I'm sure it was more than just a hunch"._

_Brandt had to agree it sounded reasonable enough. However, it only made his uneasiness grow. He had no idea how to behave and what to make of Benji's words and actions. He didn't seem as demented as Will had expected but he still had to be prepared for everything. Benji sighed and turned his piercing glare at the analyst. His features seemed to soften a bit but Brandt couldn't be sure in this darkness._

"_What if I told you that Lovett is not someone he's pretending to be?"_

"What if he was right?" Ethan suddenly spoke, making both Jane and Brandt jump. It reminded him of his mission in Prague many years ago. He knew it was really far fetched, especially regarding that it was now based on the words of a paranoid man, but his life had taught him to expect anything. What if Lovett was a mole? It kind of corresponded to his earlier thoughts.

"Back then I didn't believe that," Brandt sighed shakily. "Looking back, it makes a lot of sense…"

"So now you're looking back!" Jane suddenly exploded. "Stellar timing you have here!"

Brandt's eyes grew wide and for a moment there was silence which soon broke into pieces.

"If he was right, it was all for nothing!" she felt her vision blur with tears and tried to fight them back. "You wouldn't have had to… you wouldn't have… And you just didn't believe it?!"

"Well, I didn't believe straight away…" Brandt sounded confused more than anything. "But then I did…"

"And why did you call us here?" Jane growled, not even hearing what the analyst was trying to say. "To tell us your moving story? Why this secrecy? Why bother? _Why_?!"

"Because I _was_ right after all," a voice sounded from the far end of the hangar, making everybody freeze where they were.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Thank you for the lovely reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter!_

_I still don't own them…_

**Chapter 6**

Both Jane and Ethan felt their hearts miss a beat before they even saw a figure emerge from the shadowy space in front of them. Despite the voice had some lower tone to it and lacked the usual liveliness, it was still Benji's voice. The two agents watched as the all too familiar Englishman approached them. Ethan almost had to laugh as his experience had taught him almost to expect something like that all the time. Even though he had seen his friend die, there had been a hunch he now realised he had been trying to suppress, dismissing it as denial. Brandt couldn't have just killed Benji even if his life had depended on it. There had to be some trick. And now he basically saw the proof in front of his eyes.

"You!" Jane was the first one to gain the ability to speak. All emotions she was experiencing were creating a storm inside of her and she moved towards Benji, her eyes glistening with fury.

"Jane…" Brandt called out warningly, noticing her look, and Ethan noted that the analyst seemed to be worried about something.

"We thought you were dead!" Jane either didn't hear or just ignored William's call. "We saw it happen!" she started to punch the former technician's arms while saying every word, not paying attention to the "ows" it caused. "We thought we'd never…"

"Don't unnerve him!" Brandt now sounded even more agitated and seemed to have caught Jane's attention this time. That split second was enough for Benji to grab both of her wrists with a death grip midway through one of her attacks.

"Stop it!" he nearly growled, breathing heavily.

Jane couldn't hold back a startled yelp, both because his grip on her wrists was actually causing pain and because the look on his face was downright scary. She had never thought she might be frightened by Benji of all people but at the moment his expression was almost murderous. Ethan looked from this scene to Brandt and back, noticing how tense the analyst looked, as if frozen before springing into action.

Benji shut his eyes tightly and took a deep breath. It took him a few seconds to recompose himself before he finally let go of Jane whose eyes were now wide with shock.

"I'm sorry," he almost whispered, opening his eyes to look into hers. Jane felt a lump in her throat, realising that now they were filled with pain and something that was impossible even begin to comprehend at the moment. It was as if he had been through some kind of torture and still couldn't get rid of its traces in his memory. Without saying a word she launched at him again, this time throwing her arms around him in a tight embrace. Benji stumbled back a bit awkwardly but returned the hug, feeling Jane's breathing shake against his shoulder, as if she was trying not to sob.

Brandt let out an audible relieved sigh and relaxed, taking a step back.

"I think Luther might have told them," he suggested, breaking the silence at last.

"I figured," Benji answered dryly. The notes of sarcasm in the reply made Jane chuckle softly as she pulled away from the hug.

"Are you alright?" There were a lot of questions that had to be asked, like "_how?_" and "_what happened?_" and "_what is Lovett hiding?_" but Ethan felt the need to ask this one first, finally being able to have a proper look at the Englishman.

"I'm fine," Benji answered with a little sigh, "I am not actually mad if that's what you are referring to".

"You don't look that fine," Jane argued in a soft voice.

It had to be said that she was right. Benji didn't look fine on any level. His skin was pale and there were thick dark shadows under his eyes. His eyebrow was not healed after the split they had seen in the video, and the same went for his lip. His eyes, always so bright and youthful, seemed slightly out of focus.

"You didn't see me like a week ago," Benji replied bitterly. "Trust me, it was worse".

"So what happened?" Ethan decided to keep the professional tone.

Benji sighed and sat on a long table beside Brandt who was standing by it. Jane and Ethan decided to take it as an example and sat on an opposite table.

"I don't really remember much," the Brit started, looking down at the floor. "When we were here on our mission, we came to a realisation at one point. The mission itself was to take out a drug dealer, preventing the deal he was about to make. One detail though looked suspicious to us. For some reason we were not allowed to get involved with the other half of the deal, the buyer. After giving it a thought we decided to check the guy anyway. So I hacked into his communications and found some of his contacts. Guess who I traced them to?"

"Lovett," Ethan said breathlessly. Benji nodded.

"It turned out that Lovett was in the business. And our mission was essentially just removing the competition. He was going to offer the deal right after we had finished our job".

He took a pause, as if letting the information sink in.

"What we didn't know is that we were being watched. There must have been a bug planted somewhere. Guess we'll never know where it was…" He sighed deeply. "That morning I went out to check a few things with an acquaintance we made in the local police force. It later turned out that it saved my life," he took another deep breath. "I came back to the safe house only to see the building explode in front of my eyes. Gas leak, they said. I really doubt it, to say the least. What happened next practically proved all our suspicions. Lovett was there. Why would he even be there if he had nothing to do with the whole deal? They…"

His voice broke and he shut his eyes. Brandt placed his hand on his friend's shoulder and squeezed gently.

"They grabbed me right in the middle of the street. For some reason Lovett decided not to kill me quite yet. I think he needed to find out who else knew about his business. He made up a great plan to make everybody question my credibility. No better way than having me proclaimed insane".

There was another silence and Jane and Ethan had no idea what to do and what exactly it was that was bugging their friend so much. Brandt squeezed Benji's shoulder again and the Brit finally looked up, letting his friends see that his eyes were filled with unshed tears.

"Not everyone who had come with Lovett was part of his gang. I needed to look… 'believable'. Last thing I remember clearly is a syringe being filled with something and then…" he swallowed. "I don't know what it actually was but it was really strong. I spent the following what I later found out to be three days drugged literally out of my mind. In the brief moments when I kinda regained consciousness I couldn't remember my own name… Hell, I couldn't even figure out what species I belonged to…"

As he spoke, Benji was staring blankly into the space between Ethan and Jane but he still caught a glimpse of their terrified faces. Jane paid no attention to the fact that tears were running down her cheeks again and even Ethan looked pained. Benji remembered those brief moments of everything getting clearer. He wanted to get out, wanted everything to stop because he really felt like he was going insane. There was just no way out, it was like a dizzying fall into oblivion with nothing to hold on to.

"And whenever I showed any signs of coherence, they drugged me again. They were going to bring me to the US to get whatever they needed to know out of me. Afterwards… I don't know, they wouldn't need me anyway. Wouldn't be difficult to get rid of me".

"So…" Ethan had to swallow a lump in his throat, "how did you get out?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"So…" Ethan had to swallow a lump in his throat, "how did you get out?"

Benji blinked a few times and his eyes were suddenly full of emotion.

"It was Clive," he replied, his voice low. It sounded like it was suddenly difficult for him to move his tongue.

"Stevenson?" Ethan asked, a bit startled, and received a nod in reply. "I heard he died from a heart attack last week…"

"Yeah, he did," Benji smirked bitterly, sarcasm yet again showing in his voice.

"Convenient, isn't it," Brandt spoke up.

"I don't know if he somehow found out about Lovett's plans or knew about them all along but didn't want to go with it anymore," Benji was now staring at his palms. "He had it coming. He was dead the moment he decided to help me. It was just a matter of time".

_Everything was blurry and surreal. Benji managed to half-open his eyes. There was movement. He didn't know if he was really moving or it was just in his head. Lights passing… Street lights? Was he in a car? Where were they taking him now? Were they going to drug him more? He felt sick. He began to try and pull some movements at the backseat when he heard a soft voice._

"_Benji? Don't worry, I'm gonna get you out…" Stevenson probably said something else but the techie was unable to follow his voice, falling back into oblivion._

_Next time his eyes opened, he saw two human shapes in front of him. One was rather large, the other was smaller. Two unsteady shadows. Why was the larger shadow shaking him?..._

"_Benji!" the larger shadow suddenly turned into Clive. "Come on, wake up, it's important!" He held Benji's head with both of his hands, making the technician look him in the eyes. When the Brit blinked drowsily, he took it as a sign of consciousness. "This is Guido," he nodded his head in the smaller shadow's direction. "He's a police officer. He is my friend. He will keep an eye on you, can you hear me? Benji?"_

_Clive shook him again as the Brit's eyes began to close. Benji tried to focus again, staring into Stevenson's huge brown eyes. In fact, right now they seemed too huge, making the agent look quite alien-like. Benji bit down a giggle._

"_I'm sorry…" Clive's voice was now distant and almost inaudible, "… for what they did to you. Do you even understand what I am saying? I never wanted any of this to happen…"_

_Benji heard that without registering. It was like it was being recorded on some tape for some better times, when he would have his mind back. He couldn't hold on to consciousness any more. Everything went back to the surreal madness._

Benji wasn't paying attention to Brandt's hand on his shoulder anymore. Neither did he seem to acknowledge the pain in his other two friends' eyes or even their presence. He was recalling the events, as if needing to spill out all the words from his mind. He just spoke, sounding expressionless and dull.

For Jane and Ethan it was hard to imagine Benji – _their_ Benji – in such a state. What they saw now hurt them anyway. They wondered if he could ever be back to normal. The silence lasted a bit too long now and it was Jane who decided to break it.

"So what happened next?" she asked almost in whisper. Even this sound, however quiet, made the technician jump and glare at her. His expression became some sort of a mask again.

"Next…" he let out a sigh. "Next there was detox. I don't remember it that well…"

Benji really didn't want to tell his friends about those two days of drifting in and out of consciousness, the excruciating agony and discomfort being the only constant in what he felt. He didn't want them to suffer through it with him, so he decided to keep it short, words escaping his mouth monotonously. _He was not always aware of what was happening to his body. In fact, at some points it felt like he was losing touch with it. Sometimes he woke up to see Guido there but most of the times the police officer couldn't be there, as it was dangerous to be anywhere around the former agent. One of the most painful things Benji remembered was the feeling of absolute loneliness. 'I am going to die here, in the middle of nowhere, alone and in pain'. Sometimes he just wanted to end it all but didn't have the strength to get up and do anything._

_The first relatively long period of coherence had him waking up alone again. It was when he thought that this time he might be able to get up and put this hell to an end that he started to think. 'So what if I die here? Lovett wins. Ethan, Jane and Brandt don't know about it. They might end up helping the criminals. If any of them finds out the truth, they might end up like me. Or he will just kill them'. He couldn't let this happen. He couldn't just die. He had to do something. A new wave of agony came, shaking his entire being in uncontrollable spasms and sending his mind back into darkness._

"It's like…" his breathing was trembling, a lump in his throat making it hard to speak. "It's like when you fall into a pit and you can't get out, and you start to scream because you want someone to hear you, to know that you are there, to come and help you. That's what it was like for me in those days. First when I was with Lovett, and then during the detox… I just wanted to get out of this bizarre dream. I felt like I was really going mad," he let out a sharp breath that sounded like a sob, and yet his eyes were dry. He shrugged, finally focusing on Jane and Ethan who seemed to have stopped breathing in shock.

"When I could finally go out, I had to meet up with Guido at certain places to get some meds and supplies. It was too dangerous for him to raise any suspicions. We could only hope that none of Lovett's men had picked the track of him. I picked a twisted route, trying to make it impossible for anyone to follow me without being too obvious. I knew I was being watched. I just couldn't understand why they didn't attack. Until two days later when…" he paused, looking over at Brandt.

"… when Lovett sent me after you," the analyst finished.

"I was still not quite in the best condition back then," Benji returned to examining the palms of his hands. "I mean, I know that I am still not too well…" Jane unconsciously rubbed her wrists at that. "… and I don't know if I ever will be. I've accepted that," he rushed to add, seeing how his friends opened their mouths to assure him he would be fine.

Seeing how Benji had gone silent, Brandt decided to take over.

"But yeah, you really weren't that well when I saw you," he recalled. "I've already told you guys how it happened. I wasn't quite sure what to believe but Benji's words did seem to make sense. I heard about Stevenson's death and it had raised suspicions back then…"

_They sat like that for way too long. The sky outside began to lighten up with the upcoming sunrise._

"_So what are we gonna do now?" Brandt asked, breaking the silence. He knew that if he came back without Benji after, no doubt, being seen meeting him, it would cause quite a few questions._

_Benji kept sitting, looking down at the floor. As time passed and Benji still wasn't responding, the analyst began to worry, doubting whether his friend was with him at all. Just as he was about to call out for him, the tech finally looked up. Brandt took an involuntary step back, being able to see the Brit's face at last in the first beams of the daylight. He suddenly noticed just how pale Benji was. His eyes, so dark and bloodshot, were still filled with agony. The technician sighed, as if coming to some final decision._

"_You're gonna have to kill me," he said at last, his voice painfully low and colourless._


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Thank you for all your lovely reviews and here's the new chapter! Hope you enjoy!_

_I don't own them._

**Chapter 8**

_Brandt had two options: either he misheard what Benji had just said, or the technician was joking in some twisted manner. A quick glance at the Brit was enough to eliminate the latter, so the analyst decided to clarify._

"_What?"_

_Benji smirked bitterly but his tone remained colourless and dull._

"_As we speak, evidence is being collected. It might take some time, I don't know how long though. We can't go to the police openly even with what we have now. We can't just say we accidentally found out about it during a secret mission, can we?"_

_Brandt still had no idea where this was heading but so far it made sense, so he nodded._

"_Someone has to keep the investigation. Not necessarily me. You can do it now that you know the truth. And you can't return to Lovett without me, can you? I'm sure by this point he even knows that we've already met. You have a choice. You can do what I've just told you — and don't pretend you misheard that — and tell Lovett you had no choice. I did attack you with a gun after all, I'm sure his men here saw us…"_

_Brandt's stomach was turning sickeningly. He knew that it all made sense and this thought alone made him sick even more. The only thing he couldn't agree to was the offer itself._

"_What is the other option?" he asked dryly, not even considering the first one for a second._

"_You can bring me to Lovett just like you are supposed to. Then, if you want, you can come back and finish this job. I just…" for the first time Benji's voice broke. He took a deep breath before continuing. "I just don't want you to pick this option. I don't know if I can take it all… again. I don't think I can. Don't make me go through it all again. Please"._

_Benji shivered, as if having flashbacks of his recent experience._

_Brandt swallowed hard. It wasn't the choice he ever wanted to make. What kind of a stupid choice was this? Either kill your best friend or hand him to the enemy who had already tortured and broken him into pieces to continue breaking and torturing? There had to be a way out._

"_So?" Benji asked suddenly, as if wondering whether Brandt preferred tea or coffee. As if it wasn't his life at stake. "Every second we waste here is making Lovett's suspicions rise. What are you gonna do?"_

_Brandt was shocked Benji was even offering him that choice. He was obviously still not thinking straight but this fact alone was making the analyst angry._

"_No," his voice was harsh and determined._

"_That wasn't a yes or no question, William"._

"_What did you expect me to say? 'I choose option number one: killing my friend'? Are you out of your mind?!" the glare he received after the last sentence made him add a sheepish "sorry"._

"_Do you think I like this choice?!" Benji's hands were now shaking. "Do you think I want to die that much? I have spent so much time looking for a way out of… whatever I was in, and whenever I found one, it just led me into a new situation, even worse than the previous one!" Brandt saw the Brit's hands clench into fists as his breathing peaked. It was so unlike the Benji he knew that it actually made him worry that Benji might just attack him in some rage fit._

"_There has to be a third option," he stated more calmly. "We need to think about it"._

_Benji was drawing in deep breaths, trying to regain control over himself. He slammed his eyes shut._

"_Either way, I need to disappear," he said quietly._

"I feel kind of ashamed of it now," Benji commented absently. "Of even suggesting that Brandt would…" he paused for a second, not wanting to finish the sentence. "But that was just my state. I couldn't see any other option. Couldn't think straight".

"How much has Luther told you about… about _this_?" Brandt was looking from Jane to Ethan.

"He showed us the video," Ethan replied, sensing Jane shrug at the memory by his side.

"How did you get Lovett to come here?" she asked, causing Brandt to shrug.

"Well, we decided to work out a complicated scheme of action, and it took us a bit more time than my mission would normally require. We expected someone to show up. We needed a believable witness. We didn't know it would be Lovett though…"

"And Luther," Benji added. "When I saw him there, I knew he wouldn't be able to help us in the future. Lovett keeps him close. That was partially why we decided to call you so urgently later on".

"So how did you pull this off?" Jane asked, impatient to finally make sense out of everything.

"That was some true wizardry from Benji here," Brandt patted Benji's back proudly. "I had two guns. One was fully loaded. The other one had two blanks in it…"

"_It's like a remote control," Benji explained as Brandt was eying up the equipment with suspicion – something he had been used to doing ever since Dubai. He was now holding a gun which visually was no different to any other. "You pull the trigger and these tiny charges detonate. The rest is acting"._

_Brandt nodded. There were so many things about this plan that could go wrong. He was most worried about the possibility of them finding out that there were flat bags of fake blood sawn into Benji's shirt. He knew it had most likely occurred to the Brit, but they both didn't bring it up. One thing, however, made him shiver internally._

"_Are you sure about this, Benji?" he asked carefully, staring at the substance the Brit was now loading into a small reservoir. He knew they had to hide any sign of life in the technician. They had to use it to make his pulse undetectable. But given Benji's recent history, injecting him with any kind of drug didn't seem healthy._

_Benji let out a shudder. It was clear he wasn't very keen on this part of the plan, either._

"_We have to, don't we," he muttered before turning to face Brandt. "I just want to make this clear to you, Brandt. I trust you fully. I hope everything works out, and I know you will do your best to make it happen. However, if it doesn't…" he saw the analyst was about to interrupt him and grabbed his shoulders, making him look him in the eyes. "If you sense they are about to discover our plans, you will have to use the other gun," he saw horror flash in his friend's eyes and looked down. "If they find out that you are plotting something with me, we are both dead. We can't have that. Someone has to bring them down"._

_Brandt nodded slowly. He really hoped everything would work out._

"You saw the rest," Brandt concluded, not looking at his colleagues. "It did work out. Pull the trigger, the charges detonate, fake blood. The rest was acting…"

"You were pretty good," Benji suddenly spoke up. "That's the kind of acting that gets people nominated for an Oscar".

Brandt smiled.

"Well, had to look believable while injecting you with that stuff".

"And what about your beatings?" Jane asked suddenly, eying up her friends' bruised faces.

"We figured Benji wouldn't have gone without a fight," Brandt's features became serious once again. "So we pulled some Fight Club stuff…"

"Apart from my eyebrow," Benji intervened again, pointing at his still painful looking injury.

"What happened to your eyebrow?" Ethan tensed.

"That's actually pretty funny," Brandt smiled again. "He slipped near a stairway and hit his head".

"That was _not_ funny!" Benji exclaimed, recalling the moment, sounding almost childishly whiny.

"It wasn't," Brandt remembered being actually worried when it had happened. But Benji's expression, despite the blood trickling down his face, and the fact that, while facing danger all the time, it was actually something as trivial as simple clumsiness that sent him down, made Will giggle. "But it is now, in hindsight. A little".

"Well, maybe a little," Benji's features finally softened. Even though he didn't smile, the mere change of expression sent a wave of relief through his teammates and they found themselves chuckling. Despite everything, it was still Benji. _Their_ Benji.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update. Thank you for the reviews and I hope you enjoy this chapter!_

_I don't own them._

**Chapter 9**

A few more moments were spent in silence. That was a lot of information for such a short period of time, even though they were all trained and skilled agents.

"So what are we gonna do now?" Ethan spoke up, feeling a bit odd not to be in charge once in a while.

"I've got more than enough on Lovett now," Benji replied. "I'll talk to Guido… we'll try to figure out the best way to deal with it. For now though… I think we can use some rest".

He gave his friends a quick half-smile which didn't touch his eyes and left. Jane and Ethan followed him with their glances for a while before looking at Brandt, just in time to see his features drop.

"Is he really alright?" Jane asked, sensing what was bothering the analyst. Brandt sighed.

"I don't know," he replied. "I mean, he's not insane, that much is clear. But what Lovett has put him through… He really _is_ sort of unstable, you know. He can't quite control his emotions, especially when angry or irritated. You found it out firsthand," he nodded at Jane. "That was a very minor example of course. Had the occasion happened when I first saw him here, I think he would have broken your arms in that state".

Jane swallowed.

"Is he gonna be okay?" she asked almost timidly. Brandt shrugged.

"He is trying really hard. I mean, he is doing better now than a few days ago but he still fails sometimes. And when he does, he gets angry at himself and it only makes things worse. It might be a lingering effect from whatever Lovett gave him… but we don't know whether it will be gone completely. I think every time Benji has an outburst he loses a bit of hope that it will".

There was another silence. It was eventually broken by Ethan.

"So we have enough evidence on Lovett. What are we waiting for? Are we going to wait till the other side of the deal shows up to take down them both?"

"Ideally, yes. But now we wait. We have a few hours to rest. I can show you where the offices in this plant used to be, it's quite comfy".

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Benji hated sleeping. That time when you slip into oblivion, no matter how different this kind of oblivion was from the one he had been put into for days… He had to be used to being unable to sleep after stressful events, like after Mumbai but he was tired. Both literally and more generally. Now he could only sleep for a few minutes before waking up for a quick reality check from time to time. He had to believe it would get better. It had after Mumbai, after all.

This time was no different from any other. Or so it seemed at first.

Benji woke up to see a human silhouette by the window. At first he thought it could be one of his friends. He knew Brandt had sometimes come in to check on him, which was slightly irritating at times, although at other times Benji felt more grateful for it than he admitted. However, the posture didn't look like Brandt's, or Ethan's or, especially, Jane's. The person turned around and Benji froze.

"Oh, you are awake, Benjamin!" Lovett declared.

Benji looked around him. It was not the room he remembered falling asleep in. He panicked.

"Where… where am I?" he was surprised at how his voice sounded – hoarse, low and growly. He felt like his tongue had trouble obeying him.

"You don't remember?" Lovett asked, the obviously cartoonishly fake sympathy decorating his features. "Well, you were delirious for days. Calling your friends' names… I think you really thought they were with you?"

Benji couldn't say a word in response. Lovett walked closer. The tech tried to get up but it was only now that he finally saw straps restraining him.

"It's incredible what tricks our mind can play on us, isn't it?" the older man spoke softly. "It creates some wonderful delusions…"

Benji could feel everything around him spin in an all too familiar manner, his surroundings beginning to dissolve. Brandt… Jane… Ethan… Was it all a delusion? Was he really still there, _alone_?

"The most phenomenal thing about it," Lovett's voice was distant but clear, "is that your mind's tricks are a clear sign that you are _losing it_…"

"No…"

Benji was shaking now, his breathing getting erratic, his eyes welling up. He was lost, everything was weird and he wanted to get out. He felt like he was drowning and desperately needed to breathe in. But water was pushing on him from everywhere, there was no way to get out, no air to breathe…

"Let me help you, it will make you feel better…" Lovett's voice sounded again, this time right by his side.

Out of the blur Benji could make out some vague shapes. One of them clearly was a syringe.

"No!" Benji forced out of his mouth again and began to struggle rather pathetically.

Lovett was advancing, and Benji could feel the needle press against his skin. He tried to scream but he knew it was pointless. Nobody was there. Nobody would come. He was alone. His voice was gone…

He let out a loud gasp and jolted upright in his bed. He spent like a minute trying to get his breath back to normal and looking around wildly. He stood up and walked up to the window, looking outside in the darkness. Pressing his forehead against the cool glass, he suddenly felt like he was burning. The coldness against his forehead was incredibly soothing. He started recounting the events. He had escaped Lovett. Brandt, Jane and Ethan were with him. Together they were going to put an end to this. They were capable of everything together. They were a _team_. And they really were with him now. He was not alone.

He didn't know how long he had been standing by the window, breathing deeply and reasoning himself that _this_ was what was really happening and that the meeting with Lovett had been just a dream and not the other way round. He only got out of the trance when he felt the first sunbeams making their presence known through his eyelids. He opened his eyes. The new day was there. The blurry darkness was gone.

_A/N:_ _I'd also like to dedicate the ending of this chapter to a friend of mine. No matter how bad things appear to be, just remember: you are not alone. Your friends are right there, by your side. Never forget about it._


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! I hope this chapter is good enough for you…_

_I don't own them…_

**Chapter 10**

The room was blissfully quiet, the atmosphere in it being unusually cosy. Jane and Ethan had had the first night of proper rest since their mission, and the stress of the past few days had added up to it greatly. Now they were sipping coffee and reflecting on the recent events in silence.

"I can't believe you thought I had actually… done it," Brandt uttered, taking a mug for himself. For a while the other two didn't know how to answer, and the silence reigned again, accompanied only by the sound of Benji typing on his laptop. Unlike the others, he didn't have any coffee. Nobody even knew when he had gotten up, since he had been already there when Ethan, the early bird of the group, had walked in. Besides, they weren't sure how the tech would respond to caffeine so they didn't want to take that risk.

"You were quite realistic," Jane replied in a low voice, glancing at the technician who seemed to be oblivious to the whole conversation.

"Still…" Brandt remembered Jane's expression when she had arrived. So full of pain and anger. And now he understood the reason. He tried to put himself into her place. If he had found out that she or Ethan had… had _killed_ Benji… He would have probably reacted just like that, to say the least. He decided not to dwell on it any longer and change the topic instead.

"Got anything, Benji?" he asked, walking up to the Englishman and leaning down to look at the screen over his shoulder. Benji jumped a bit, startled, as if surprised to see there were people in the room, and blinked forcefully as he looked away from the screen. Brandt noticed how red and puffy his friend's eyes were. This had happened way too often for comfort.

"Yeah…" Benji replied after a long pause. "In fact," he motioned for the other two to join in, "it looks like there's a bit too much".

"What do you mean?" Jane raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"There are too many arrows pointing at Lovett," the Brit explained, flinching barely noticeably at the name. "Too many clues screaming his name, if you get me. It's just weird… Is he really that bad?"

"Someone as good as Lovett should be better at cutting the loose ends," Ethan continued the thought and received a nod from his friend.

"You mean there's someone standing behind Lovett?" Brandt was looking from Ethan to Benji in bewilderment. The team leader nodded.

"There might be".

"Ethan, do you understand what we are talking about?" the analyst started pacing the room. "It's the IMF Secretary. And not with his own motives and aims as we thought. That was bad enough. Now it suddenly turns out that, as you think, someone can have control over _him_?"

"How is that worse than him acting on his own?" Ethan argued. "He still has the entire IMF at his disposal".

"But he might be manipulated as well," Jane suggested. "What if… what if he's being framed?"

"He's definitely not," Benji growled coldly but quietly. The hoarseness of his voice made Jane bite her tongue.

Brandt rubbed the back of his head.

"Who can it be then? Who can have influence on the IMF Secretary?" he looked at Ethan incredulously, as if waiting for him to give an immediate answer.

"So you choose to believe that Lovett is just that stupid?" the team leader increased the volume of his voice.

"I know about as much as you do!" Brandt replied even louder.

"And Lovett was so careful to dispose of witnesses consisting of IMF agents and went through the bother of making the only survivor's credibility questionable using drugs and deception, and then suddenly failed to cover up at least some of his traces properly?" Ethan went on.

"I don't…"

"Can you just shut up!" Benji suddenly yelled, rising from his seat. "Both of you!"

Everyone in the room froze. They weren't used to seeing the Brit like that, which made the outburst all more intimidating. Without saying a word, Benji stormed out of the room, leaving the other three in startled silence. After a short pause Jane gave Brandt and Ethan a stern look and also went out. Brandt let out an exasperated sigh, looking at Ethan, as if to point out what things had gotten to.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Benji was standing in the doorway, looking outside, his shoulder leaning on the wall. The daylight was too bright for his tired eyes, and he pressed his hand against them. He heard footsteps behind him but didn't bother to look who it was. The footsteps stopped before reaching him, as if the person was hesitant whether to approach him or not.

"Jane, I know you're there," he said quietly, still not looking back. "Are you going to stand there forever?"

"How did you know it was me?" Jane asked, walking up to the Englishman once she was sure it was okay to do so.

"Nobody else in the building uses female perfume," he replied. "Unless you let me switch it with Brandt's aftershave…"

"No way," Jane replied with fake outage, and the two chuckled.

"Are you alright?" she asked after a silent moment, studying his features carefully.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Benji looked down. And yet, even while examining the floor under his feet, he could feel Jane's glare on him. He sighed, knowing that he couldn't hide anything from that glare.

"I just," he swallowed, as there suddenly was a lump in his throat. "I just feel so angry. All the time. And it's so tiring, you know… I want to go back to normal. I want to be able to sleep without the fear of waking up in… that place, with Lovett standing over me with more drugs… and questioning what is real and what isn't…"

He clenched his hands into fists and gritted his teeth. Jane could feel a lump in her throat, too. She knew first hand that destructive anger. She knew what it felt like to be burned from the inside by it. But it seemed so out of character for Benji, the always smiling and happy Benji, to feel something like that. She knew he could get angry at times but this was just so different from anything she had even seen him express.

"I sometimes think that maybe I'm still there," the tech went on. "That maybe you guys are just a long hallucination, you know… I've had a lot of them…"

Jane didn't know what to say. Her vision was blurred because of the unshed tears.

"How did you get rid of your anger?" Benji suddenly asked. "When Moreau had…" he paused, not wanting to remind about Hanaway.

"I threw the bitch out of a window," Jane gave him an incredulous look. Conscious or not, he had still been there when it had happened.

"And did it make it go away?" he asked timidly.

Jane fell silent. She wasn't really sure. Everything had been going so insanely fast, and she hadn't had the time to reflect on her feelings.

"I don't know," she honestly replied. It certainly hadn't brought Trevor back but at least it hadn't let Moreau kill Benji, too. As if reading her mind, Benji spoke up awkwardly.

"Jane… I never thanked you… for saving my life back then…"

"Don't," Jane waved her hand. "It's okay".

"No," Benji looked up at last. "It was my fault. I got us all in trouble and you had to kill her because of me. And we lost an asset. So… I just wanted to…"

"Look, what happened, happened," Jane cut him off. "Everything turned out fine in the end," she took a pause and looked into her friend's eyes. "And everything will be fine this time, too".

There was another pause, after which Benji nodded and smiled a tiny bit.

"Thank you," he almost whispered.

"Listen, I told you you don't have to…"

"No," he shook his head a little and smiled again. "Thank you for this conversation. For listening. And for _hearing_".


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update! Hope you enjoy this chapter though!_

_I don't own them…_

**Chapter 11**

"Are you sure about this?" Brandt asked cautiously, as Benji sat in front of his laptop again.

"We don't have a choice," the Englishman replied. "I don't like this idea, either, but we need to get to someone who's close to Lovett".

"Someone like Luther," Jane continued.

"But breaking into the security system… Of the IMF… the agency we still work for, by the way…" Brandt really didn't like the direction things were going in.

"If it makes you feel any better, _you_ are not doing it anyway. I am. And I am already disavowed," Benji reasoned, the last sentence sounding a bit too bitter for his own liking.

"That's not the point!" the analyst cut him off. "I don't know all the specifics but surely intervening with the security system of an agency like IMF can be dangerous…"

Benji rolled his eyes.

"If this is what you are worried about, calm down," he replied. "I've done it before".

"You what?" Brandt and Jane exclaimed almost simultaneously. "Why the hell…"

"A friend asked me," Benji said without looking up. Ethan, who had been silent for the entire conversation, swallowed and looked through the window into the empty space around. "I broke into IMF's system to erase a phone call… A few years ago".

Ethan stood up and walked up to the Englishman.

"So how are you going to do this? You can't just email him, can you?" he asked, hurrying to change the topic.

"There are some tricks Luther can do. And some tricks he knows I can do," Benji replied. When he noticed that the team leader was still staring at him, he got a bit irritated. "You want to know the detail? Will it make much sense to you?"

Ethan held up his hands, not wanting to get his friend too nervous, knowing it might not end well in this case.

"But Luther still thinks you are dead," Brandt said softly over the sound of typing. "He might get suspicious…"

"Maybe that's not a bad thing," Ethan raised his head. He had an idea. "If we make Lovett worry a bit… he might make some mistake. And we can trace him to whoever stands behind him".

"Alternatively, he can kill all of us though," Benji stated matter-of-factly. "We… our recent team made him worry once, you know how it ended".

"So what are we going to do, exactly?" Jane cut in, being sick of staying silent for so long.

"Alerting Lovett might be a good idea," Benji suddenly said. It was clear that he didn't really like this idea one bit, the struggle between his emotions and trying to find some logic evident on his face. "If he finds out I am alive, he will definitely freak out. And we know he'll have to take things under his control. Last time not all agents obeyed his orders…"

"He can't risk another Stevenson popping up," Jane agreed reluctantly.

"Or another Brandt," Benji said, staring into empty space. They all knew what it would tell Lovett. If Benji was alive, then Brandt hadn't really killed him. Which meant Brandt was a threat, too.

"So we are going to do _this_ now?" Brandt stared at the others in disbelief.

Benji didn't want to take part in this conversation, it was making him sick. He fully realised that in this scenario he was essentially being used as bait. He couldn't even think about seeing Lovett's face again, it literally made his hands shake. Ethan noticed it and placed his hand onto the younger man's shoulder.

"If you disagree, we'll have to try to think of something else," he said reassuringly.

"No," the Brit's voice was hoarse, as if it took him an effort to force the words out. "I think it's a good idea. My… personal problems shouldn't be in the way".

"Are you sure you are going to be fine, Benji?" Jane asked, her voice almost uncharacteristically soft.

"I have to face my problem, haven't I?" he replied, trying to keep his voice even. "And it really is the best way for us now. We do what we have to do".

Despite this obviously forced reassurance, the other agents knew it was going to be hard. On the other hand, bringing this up again would mean they doubted Benji, and they certainly didn't want that.

The rest of the day was spent in preparations for something they were not entirely sure about. They had no idea what exactly would come. Benji was up in the room he used as his bedroom, working on his laptop, saying that he needed some silence to concentrate.

"I still don't like this idea," Brandt's voice made him jump.

"Neither do I," Benji replied honestly, as the analyst walked closer and sat down in some old armchair. "But have you got a better plan?"

"No," William shook his head.

"And neither have I," the Englishman smiled bitterly. "I guess we've got to hope it works".

"Yeah… Something has to work at least once in a while, right?" Brandt smiled, trying to keep his mood up.

"Yeah," Benji smiled. "I keep saying this to myself. That the worst is in the past, that it can't be worse than what we've already been through…"

Brandt chuckled, remembering their meeting in Seattle. Now it felt like it had been ages ago.

"… but there's always something worse coming," the former technician suddenly continued. "It's like when you read some dark novel, and everything is horrible, and a character says something like "Life was hellish, but it was just about to get a hell of a lot worse", and you just think… you think, how the hell can it get worse? And then it really does…"

Brandt froze, not knowing what to say. All possible words of reassurance had been already said multiple times. Benji sensed the uneasiness and shrugged.

"Sorry, I have these thoughts sometimes… Anyway, back to work," and he got back to typing something without ever looking up.


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: Sorry for the delay, guys! I've been really busy at work lately. Hope you're still interested though._

_I don't own them._

**Chapter 12**

"What do we do now?" Jane asked, staring at her cup, still half-filled with the already cold coffee.

"Now we wait," she heard Brandt's voice, as the analyst entered the room. She noticed that he looked kind of shaken, as if something disturbed him more than them. Had Benji told him something upsetting?...

"How is he?" Ethan asked Brandt, as if reading Jane's thoughts. The analyst shrugged.

"He's fine, I'm sure he is. I bet he's thinking of some version of 'I'm not dead yet, you bastards!' to send to Lovett and whoever is there with him," he chuckled. Noticing that the other two didn't quite buy it, he sighed as his features dropped. "He hates this idea but he agreed to go along with it. It's hard for him but let's not treat him like someone badly disadvantaged. Pity won't help him".

Ethan nodded, noticing Jane do the same by his side. It was kind of interesting to see how the events had affected not only Benji but all of them. The Brandt he had known before was unlikely to go into such insightful rants. He was growing more mature, and that was a good thing. He only wished it had happened under different circumstances…

The rest of the day was quiet. Everyone was too anxious to even start one of their infamous fights. They barely talked at all. They hated waiting. And at the moment they had no idea what to even get prepared to.

Benji was visibly the most agitated, his hands shaking slightly as he kept pacing the room for almost the whole day. Whenever someone got a glimpse of his eyes, he turned his head away, but it couldn't always stop his friends from seeing the mixed emotions of anger and some slight fear in his face. They didn't say anything even on that. The time for encouragement was over. Now they couldn't allow themselves to back down.

It was about 10 PM when things went from deadly quiet to unnaturally, feverishly loud and lively. Benji's phone rang, making everyone in the room jump. It took the former technician a few seconds of looking something up on the screen of his laptop before he sighed in relief and picked up the phone, switching it on loud speaker.

"Hello?"

"Benji?" it was Luther. And he didn't sound very pleased. "Just what the hell is going on? I saw you dead, you mad English bastard! Maybe I shouldn't be yelling at you, you're crazy anyway, but what the hell was Brandt thinking?!"

Benji rolled his eyes. _He thinks I'm insane, right, I forgot_.

"So there are two madmen there? He's there with you, isn't he?"

It was Ethan's turn to roll his eyes this time.

"Luther, we'll explain everything later, now you just go along with it," he said, leaning closer to the phone.

"_Ethan_?! You, too? What the fu-?"

"Jane is also here if you're wondering," Brandt finally spoke up, as if in some childish act of self-defence.

"Of course she is," Luther's voice was now full of sarcasm, simply because he didn't know how else to react. "Hard to imagine you clowns not all being there when something happens".

"Spare the greetings, Luther, are you sure our line is secure?" Ethan intruded again.

"It's too late to ask about it anyway, not after you introduced everyone present here," Benji didn't hide his annoyance at the team leader. He would be angry even in his good times, yelling at Ethan was not an unusual thing for him, but now he was simply furious. It only began to dawn on Ethan and Jane now. They could have been their secret weapon, because Lovett might have not known they were there. Now they only had to hope.

"Luther," Benji focused on the phone now. "Have you heard anything from Lovett in the past few hours?"

"What? No, I…"

"Can you track his whereabouts?"

"Why do you even need this?" the older man was reluctant to trust the apparently miraculously surviving Brit. "How are you-?"

Ethan noticed Benji's hands clench into fists. This was not the time to discuss the disavowed agent's mental health. They simply had no time to waste. Clearly, this fact was too clear to the former technician who was making enormous efforts to stay calm.

"Just answer my questions," he hissed through gritted teeth.

"Do as he says," Ethan added in a calmer tone. He only heard his friend let out an exasperated sigh and the sound of typing on the other side of the line.

"But you owe me an explanation, the lot of you," the muttered. "Oh…"

"What?" Brandt didn't like that "oh" one bit.

"He… he's in Italy. I don't understand. It wasn't in his plans, we were supposed to have a meeting today…"

"Damn it…" Benji whispered under his breath. He knew it was to be expected but it seemed too soon. He didn't feel ready for it. Feeling Jane's glare on him, he tried to recompose himself. Even though she had been quiet during the entire conversation, her expressions alone spoke volumes. And now she looked concerned. And he wasn't even sure he could dismiss her concerns.

"Will anyone explain to me what's going on?" Luther broke the short but awkward silence.

"We'll tell you when we see you," Ethan replied, finding those words familiar all of a sudden. He must have already said that before… Years ago. Maybe in some previous life.

Another telephone rang, and the Englishman's hands were shaking violently as he was trying to answer the call. It was Guido. They were there.


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: Sorry for another long wait! And thank you for still staying with me… The story is moving to its end now…_

_I still don't own them._

**Chapter 13**

"Okay," Ethan could finally sigh in relief. He was the leader again. He had something to do. His main priority was to have Benji somewhere safe. He knew the younger agent could flip under so much stress. "Brandt, Jane and I will stay here," he took a pause. "Benji, you go to the opposite wing and try to see whether he communicates with anyone".

The Englishman knew why he was being sent out of the way but he didn't complain. He had no idea what facing Lovett might turn into for him. And they had no right for mistake. He nodded and hurried to his destination. He had a lot to do and wasn't quite sure how much time he had. Setting up all the equipment… He knew there had to be someone watching out for the others but he was also aware that they will most likely be vastly outnumbered. He was hoping for Guido's support and worried that could be wishful thinking. The guy had already helped him more than enough. Suddenly, his phone buzzed in his hand again…

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Ethan knew that sending Benji away, where it was safer, was the right thing to do, even though it meant there would be only three of them dealing with Lovett's forces instead of four. He hoped that there couldn't be many people with Lovett. IMF couldn't be _that_ full of moles or idiots. And Lovett couldn't expose himself that much and take too many people with him.

The moment he heard the noise of the speeding cars, he knew this was it. The all too familiar sensation of adrenaline going up in his veins kicked in, and once he looked at his teammates, he knew they were experiencing it, too. Despite being tired, an upcoming face off was something of a tension relief. And they were looking forward to it.

Before the noise even reached them, there was another familiar sound. Gunfire. Showers of it. The agents could only assume it was their local police friends coming to help. For a few seconds they froze, not knowing what to do. If the enemy was being dealt with by the police, they had a chance to go out of this without a scratch. On the other hand, Lovett would be caught but would be unlikely to give away the person he was working for. Springing into action now would be too risky, as it would undoubtedly blow their cover and put them against the now friendly police.

The silence didn't last long. There was a different kind of noise. A louder and more terrifying one. And also a very familiar one. An explosion. Everything around them shook like in an earthquake, bits of ceiling falling off, glass shattering somewhere not far from them.

"What the hell is that?" Brandt yelled out as soon as the crashing sound in his ears began to die out. He got no reply and looked up at his team leader who was merely staring somewhere into the space of the next room, which had previously had windows in it. The analyst followed the older agent's gaze out of the now empty holes in the wall… and his heart sank.

"Oh my God…" Jane whispered, her voice shaking and cracking as she was trying to keep calm.

An entire wing of the building was now missing. The remains of it were currently being destroyed by fire, and even though the three agents were standing at quite a distance, they could feel the heat on their faces. They didn't want to imagine what those ruins also held. It was the wing where Benji had been.

Ethan couldn't even produce a sound. He couldn't understand how it could have happened. He had sent Benji to his death. But how could he have known it would happen? What even _had_ happened? What was going on? He, Ethan Hunt, one of the IMF's best and most experienced agents, didn't know or understand what was happening around him at the moment. He, the team leader who had led his people out of so many situations, was now absolutely helpless, having lost his control entirely. He felt lost. On top of it, he had just lost a friend. Again.

Jane could feel fire burn inside her with more intensity than the one that was currently turning part of the building into ashes. That's it. They lost him again, after so briefly having him back. And she had been hoping that the old Benji would be back… She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to focus on something else. Rage. It had always helped her deal with the feelings of loss or despair. _And Benji had found rage to be alien and destructive to him…_ She shook her head, letting some tears drop to the floor. Whoever was responsible had to pay.

Brandt just stared. His mind was too lost to even think. Benji had gone through so much in the past weeks and now it looked like it was all for nothing. It was just so pointless and meaningless that Brandt couldn't agree to take it as part of reality. He was too used to logic. He needed things to make sense. So he tried to clear his mind and think. But not about Benji. _Don't think about your best friend's death, Will, that doesn't help to be logical._ How could it have exploded? Who could have placed the explosive there? Had they known that Benji would have been there? His line of thoughts was interrupted, as one more set of sounds came in, from a third direction.

And suddenly the place became really crowded, as several men broke in.

"Shit," Ethan whispered. Clearly the people still fighting the police were just a distraction. The explosion might have been one, too. Benji must have been just unfortunate to have been in the middle of it. _Not as much just unfortunate, Ethan, it was you who sent him there…_ He shut his eyes tightly. _Not the time to beat yourself up._

The three split up, as the fight began. Among the intruders the agents could see Lovett himself. They were close, they just needed to overcome this…


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: Thanks to those of you who are still with me! Hope you enjoy this chapter, too…_

_I don't own them._

**Chapter 14**

The fight was fierce, as the pain of loss the three agents felt gave them energy. Two of Lovett's men were out instantly, shot by Ethan and Jane. Brandt's bullet caught the Secretary in the arm, but didn't seem to cause any serious damage, much to the analyst's disappointment. There were five men left, as far as they could see. The three agents took cover behind walls, occasionally firing their guns in return. It was crystal clear that it wouldn't take long for them to run out of bullets. They needed a better strategy.

Jane took a pause to think. She reckoned she had one bullet left. There was one person she wanted to end up with it in his head most. Lovett wasn't walking out alive or uninjured, no matter what would happen to her. She needed to reposition herself to be able to take aim. She looked around and saw a passage into the hallway. She knew the building was a labyrinth of corridors. Maybe she could walk around the room and attack from behind? She remembered she had studied the plan of the building. She knew it was possible. Trying to be as quiet as she could, she moved into the corridor, relieved that nobody seemed to notice her.

She walked down a narrow badly lit corridor, careful not to make any noise and take the right passages. She circled the room and stopped just as she could clearly see what was happening in it.

By that time the agents had run out of ammunition and were fighting hand-to-hand. Ethan had just finished off one of the intruders and was fighting another one. Brandt was also holding on pretty well with his opponent. Lovett didn't take part in the action yet, merely watching what was happening around him, his back turned to the darkened archway Jane was in. _Perfect_, the agent thought as she drew her gun, aiming it for the older man's head. He was going to pay for what he had done. She knew it wouldn't bring Benji back. But it would make her feel a bit more relieved, knowing that at least the son of a bitch didn't walk out without punishment. Steadying her breath to enjoy the moment, she prepared to pull the trigger… and then everything turned into a mess.

In her concentration she paid no attention to a completely dark corridor to her side. Eying the room, she suddenly got a hint of confusion. There had been five people they were fighting. Now she could only see four… The thought struck her too late. She only caught something moving towards her from the darkness to her right in her peripheral view milliseconds before something hard collided with her temple, sending her to the ground. Jane didn't even hear her gun fall down, as she spent a few seconds being too dazed to make out any shapes from the blur.

"Jane!" someone cried out, and she was quite sure the voice was familiar. Two more shapes moved closer to her from the room. As she looked more carefully, one of them turned out to be Brandt who had finished off his opponent and was now dealing with her attacker. The other one was Lovett. The older man bowed down to pick up her gun, and during that motion she could see Ethan speeding up their way.

"Don't even move, Ethan" she heard somewhere very close to her. The edges of her view were becoming black and she could see red spots dancing in front of her. "One movement from either of you and agent Carter will get one of her own bullets".

The space around Jane got quiet. She could feel she was losing consciousness and really doubted whether she should fight it or not.

"What an irony would that be," Lovett went on, playing with the semi-conscious agent's gun.

"Face it, Lovett, you've lost," Ethan spoke up, not daring to move. Despite the situation, he was doing his best to stay calm. "Even if you kill her, you have the two of us to deal with".

"I think _you_ don't know what you are dealing with, agent Hunt," Lovett's tone didn't have a slightest hint of worry in it, which was really unsettling. "Do you really think I have no backup?"

Ethan and Brandt exchanged glances. Whatever he meant, it didn't promise any good.

"Do you think that explosion was an accident?" Lovett motioned towards one of the windows, the remains of the building's wing seen through it. "Another gas leak?" he smirked. "Another ironic twist, isn't it. The _former_ agent Dunn just avoided dying in one explosion a few days ago… only to end up in another one".

Brandt could feel his eyes welling up. He looked down at Jane and sideways at Ethan and found a similar emotion expressed on their faces.

"I suppose he didn't have much of an alternative though," Lovett went on. "Maybe he would have died from an overdose… or possibly he'd have just killed himself, that would have spared him a lot of trouble".

Brandt's hands formed fists without him even realising. Ethan clenched his teeth, staring into whatever was remaining of Lovett's soul in the man's eyes. Jane, who didn't have the strength to do either of those actions, just lay on the floor, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"So, anyway," Lovett went on, "I have some of my best men around here. But I think I could spare then the efforts and get rid of one of the targets now".

He let out another smirk as he looked down at the female agent, the gun in his hand having been aimed at her all the way through his little rant. Ethan and Brandt froze in terror. Jane could barely see their faces but she knew what they must have been showing. _It's all over_. She could barely see at all, losing her battle with unconsciousness. The darkness was not unwelcomed though… and then something light crossed her view, just as everything finally got dark.

Lovett didn't even get to realise what struck him. He had been standing there, preparing to shoot and next thing he knew was something grabbing his neck and his face being slammed into a wall, the gun falling down from his hand with a thud. He barely registered the sound though as at that moment the unknown force threw him against the opposite wall, the back of his head hitting it loudly and painfully. The movement stopped but he still found it difficult to understand what was going on. It was hard to breathe, partly because of the blood pouring from his nose and partly due to something that felt like a very strong hand holding his throat, pinning him to the wall. In the semidarkness he finally managed to catch the glimpse of his attacker's face, his lips shut tightly together and nothing but murderous hatred in his big blue eyes. The image was frightening enough by itself, not to mention the fact that the man in front of him was supposed to be dead.

Ethan and Brandt had to take a few seconds to realise what was going on. And to acknowledge that the man holding Lovett by the throat and effectively choking him was actually Benji. The Englishman looked like he was about to kill the Secretary with his glare alone, the blood from the older man's nose running freely onto his hand without being noticed.

The shock of the realisation made the two agents freeze for a second, and it was only when Lovett started making some gargling noises that Ethan ran up to them and put his hand on the younger man's shoulder, squeezing it in an attempt to calm him down. After a few moments of Lovett's gargling it did work, as Benji finally let go of the man's throat and let him collapse to the floor in a heap. He suddenly seemed like he was very tired, as the adrenaline he had been going on was wearing off. Leaning on a wall, he slid down it into a sitting position next to the unconscious Jane, closing his eyes and trying to calm down his breathing. The team leader and the analyst exchanged glances again. Everything was getting even more confusing…


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: I am so, so, so sorry for how long it took me to update! I hope you aren't mad at me and enjoy this chapter!_

_I still don't own them._

**Chapter 15**

Everything was quiet. Jane thought it was quite nice for everything to be so quiet and peaceful. Something she rarely experienced in her life. If this was what being dead felt like, then she was totally okay with it. She briefly opened her eyes, finding it interesting that she still had eyes, apparently, and had to close them again. Her head hurt and looking around made her feel dizzy. That was weird. How could she feel anything if she was dead? Unless…

"Hey," a soft voice spoke right next to her. Her "unless" theory was being pushed aside, since she knew the person the voice belonged to was dead. Taking a deep breath and recollecting herself, she opened her eyes again, finally catching the sight of quite a bruised blond man sitting on a chair not far from her, the expression on his face hard to identify.

"Benji?" she asked, and the sound of her own voice rang in her aching head with an intensity of enormous church bells. No, she definitely didn't enjoy being dead if it was going to be like this for eternity.

"You better don't speak for a while," Benji sounded both slightly sympathetic and oddly alienated. When she opened her eyes, she saw he wasn't even looking at her, his gaze locked on something out of her view. She closed her eyes again, her thoughts tripping over one another. Was she really dead? If so… could she see Trevor, maybe? She then tried to make her lazy aching brain work better. _Don't be ridiculous, Jane. You are not dead, it's obvious. You are lying on an old sofa one of your friends had slept on last night. But then it means Benji's not dead, either. But how is it possible? And where are the others?_

"Any changes?" the voice she now heard sounded from where Benji was glaring, and it belonged to Ethan. Jane opened her eyes to see Benji finally looking at her, his features a bit softer this time.

"She's awake," the Englishman replied, as if only realising the meaning of those words now. He gave Jane a little smile before gritting his teeth together and staring back at what she assumed to be where Ethan was. "Wait, why did you leave him alone?"

"He's still unconscious, Benji," now it was the analyst who spoke as he and the team leader finally got into Jane's view and sat next to the Brit, whose glare was still aimed at the same spot. "Do you expect him to try and escape after you nearly strangled him to death with your bare hands?"

"Nearly," the former technician repeated, his hands clenching into fists.

Jane was merely observing what was happening around her. Apparently they were talking about Lovett who Benji (who, obviously, wasn't dead now) had apparently nearly killed while _apparently_ saving her life. It all made sense. Except for the part about him being alive. They had all seen the explosion. No-one can survive in that.

"How did you…" she started but had to stop, wincing at the new wave of headache. The others, however, seemed to understand what she wanted to say, as they evidently had the same question in their minds.

"Would you mind sharing with us how you came back from the dead this time?" Ethan asked. It was quite impressive that the techie had managed to pull that card twice in quite a short period of time. Not that he wasn't glad about it but losing a friend repeatedly didn't feel that good, no matter how nice it was to always get him back.

Benji let out a tiny ghost of a smile again before glaring back at what Jane now knew was Lovett's unconscious figure somewhere behind the back of the sofa.

"This time it was easy," he replied, finally turning his eyes towards his teammates. "I was lucky. Luther called me on the phone".

"Luther?" Brandt was the worst of them all at hiding his disbelief. "Why?"

"Well, it had kept bugging me how Lovett had found out about my old team's suspicions in the first place," Benji explained. "There must have been some bug planted somewhere. When I had first contacted Luther before he gave us a call, I had asked him to trace any signals coming from here he thought could be suspicious. And that phone call was Luther's reply. Stellar timing, by the way. And here," Benji held out his hand holding a tiny piece of equipment, "is this bug".

"Where was it?" Ethan demanded.

"In your phone," the technician retorted, smiling a bit bitterly. "You can thank me for stealing it later".

"Wait," Jane spoke up again, this time more determined to finish her sentence, "if this thing was in Ethan's phone, then…"

"Lovett had known everything from the moment we met," Benji nodded. "The fact that he only attacked after we had deliberately shown ourselves was a mere coincidence. He had been planning his moves. It also explains how he was already in Italy when we talked to Luther".

"And he also knew about Guido and sent a few of his men to distract him," Brandt caught up on the chain of events. "So that he and some of his other people managed to get in…"

"… and plant the bomb in the part of the building they knew I was supposed to be in, since they heard Ethan sending me there," Benji continued. "Good thing he didn't have enough time to plant another bomb to kill the rest of us".

There was quite a long silence. Jane wondered what had happened to Guido and the people he had fought. Probably they were in jail by now. She assumed Benji had convinced Guido to leave them alone with Lovett for a while. They still needed to know who stood behind him.

A noise from Lovett's corner made the four of them jump at look at each other. He was coming to. Which one of them was going to talk to him?


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: Sorry this chapter is so short! Hope you enjoy it anyway, if anyone is still reading._

_I don't own them._

**Chapter 16**

The news Jane, Brandt and Ethan had just heard was like a punch to the gut. One failure after another. It was a miracle they were still alive. On the other hand, it had kind of always been like that.

For Jane it was especially difficult to process the information. Her concussed brain was somehow convinced that she didn't need to know all that and fancied a good sleep. However, years of training and working experience had given her some level of control over her mind. So Benji was alive. That much had been established about half an hour ago, but Jane preferred to remind herself about the fact once again. Moving on.. apparently, it was he who had saved her from Lovett. By nearly strangling him with his bare hands. Jane glanced over to Benji who was still sitting on his chair by her side. He looked tired, beaten and somewhat older than she remembered him. However it was still him. The person she had known to be cheerful, smiling and sometimes babbling or bickering with Ethan. And now… she never knew he was capable of that.

"Capable of what?" he suddenly asked, making her jump and look down awkwardly. She didn't realise she had said that out loud.

"Strangling someone," she replied timidly. She knew Benji could and had killed when he had to. But strangling required more… rage than she thought he could contain. It made her feel a bit weird. As if he wasn't the person she thought she knew.

"I hadn't known about it myself," he replied with a little sigh and shrugged. "Besides, I didn't quite strangle him, did I?" Jane thought she heard some regret in his tone, which made her feel even more uncomfortable. There was a short silence, accompanied only by distant sounds of Ethan and Brandt talking in the next room. "I never knew you were capable of throwing people out of windows," Benji added with a small chuckle.

"That was a special occasion," Jane retorted and felt some odd relief when she saw a familiar smile making its way towards the surface of her friend's face. Even though the end result didn't look quite like she wanted it to, it still gave her hope. Benji was still there and there was still a possibility for him to come back. And then another thought crossed her mind: they were laughing at such incredibly morbid things. This job had really messed them up, whether they wanted it or not. They were incapable to lead a normal life in a normal society, with normal people with their normal every day worries surrounding them. All they had left was a small circle of equally messed up agents. There was no way back.

"Thank you," Jane said after another awkward silence, her tone much more serious this time. Benji just waved his hand.

"What happened, happened, right?" he replied softly, offering her another smile.

Suddenly, a noise from Lovett's corner made the Englishman's features harden again. In a blink of an eye Benji was on his feet and out of Jane's view.

"Where do you think you are going?" she heard the former technician growl. There was a silence which ended when two sets of footsteps sounded from the other room.

"Okay Benji, go take a seat," the team leader's voice was authoritative and demanding. "We'll talk to him".

"Why can't _I_ talk to him?" _Why are you asking this, Benji, you know the answer…_

"Just do as I say, Benji," Ethan tried to soften his voice, making his order sound more like a plea.

"Do you think I'll flip out?"

"Yes," Brandt hadn't intended it to sound as harsh as it did but they had no time. Besides, Benji had to understand…

Jane kept listening lazily, her brain urging her to sleep more than ever before. She waited for Benji's reply to Brandt, yet it never came. The last thing she remembered before passing out was the former technician sitting down on his chair, looking right in front of him, not paying attention to anything that was happening around him anymore.


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N: Thank you for staying with me! The end is near. Some things in this chapter might seem odd to you but it will be explained later. Hope you enjoy!_

_I still don't own them…_

**Chapter 17**

Time passed and there was nothing. Benji faintly heard the sounds from some distance but he couldn't make out any words and had no idea whether Brandt and Ethan had any progress. He assumed they didn't, otherwise they would be back by now. He looked at Jane who had passed out on the sofa a few minutes ago. She looked so uncharacteristically peaceful… He only hoped that her dreams were of a calmer kind than his own. He sighed as the sounds of the interrogation got louder. There, just a few meters away, was the man who was responsible for the deaths of his several friends. The man who had caused him so much pain. The man who had nearly killed his closest friends just a couple of hours earlier.

Benji knew the sensation that was overpowering him now. He was too familiar with it in the past weeks. It still felt alien and strange to him. Every cell of his body knew that this wasn't how he was supposed to be. His exhausted brain just pleaded for some rest but his mind disagreed, and this inside war just got him even more exhausted. The boiling rage was crashing him from the inside. His hands formed into fists and his heart was pounding so loudly that he could barely hear the voices. And yet he didn't move a muscle, letting it all build up even more. His stare was turned towards the door and he seemingly forgot about the time flowing by.

It was much later that two figures crossed his sight. He stared at them for a few seconds before recognising they were Ethan and Brandt. He absentmindedly noted that both of them looked tired and rather exasperated.

"Are you okay?" Ethan asked, looking at the Englishman's face attentively.

Benji just shrugged. He couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't just start yelling if he opened his mouth. Instead he just moved his gaze back to the room where Lovett still was.

"Nothing," Brandt said, reading his friend's expression. "Lovett's a highly trained and experienced agent. He knows how to handle interrogations better than any of us does".

Benji nodded and swallowed feverishly.

"Let me try," he finally croaked, his voice oddly low and growly as he tried to sound as quiet as possible in order not to wake up the still sleeping Jane. Hearing how there was no response at once, he looked at Ethan, trying to look as calm and composed as he could.

The team leader took some time to ponder this. On one hand, Benji was clearly not in the best condition, and facing Lovett now might lead to him finishing what he had started by grabbing the man's throat a few hours back. On the other hand, they simply didn't have any other ideas. Besides, he had to trust Benji and show that he still believed in him. After a long and quite stern look into the younger man's eyes, he nodded.

"We'll be near if you need us," he added, watching the former technician return the nod and stand up a bit too carefully, obviously applying some effort to hold himself together.

Brandt watched the scene and wanted to ask Ethan whether he really thought it was a good idea. However, he decided against it, as it would mean he doubted Benji. Instead, he sat in the chair which had been previously occupied by the Englishman and sighed, watching Jane in her sleep.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Benji took in a deep breath, trying to steady himself. His hands were shaking and his legs felt weak all of a sudden. But he knew he couldn't lose it now. It would mean letting his team down, and he would rather die than let it happen. Giving himself another deep breath, he entered the room.

Lovett understandably looked even worse than when Benji had last seen him. Ethan and Brandt obviously hadn't been very nice to the man, and it was showing. In addition to the broken nose there were a lot of newer bruises and bleedings. Normally Benji would be shaken by the sight but now he didn't feel anything. Obviously, there was no room for compassion, but even anger stepped back, replaced by cold rage. That was actually very helpful.

"So how are you doing?" he asked, trying to sound casual, although his voice betrayed him for a second, trembling a bit.

"How nice to see you again, Benjamin," Lovett was too calm. He grinned at the Englishman, showing his teeth covered in blood. Hearing his name from this man was something the former technician absolutely hated. "You can see I'm doing great. Which I can't say about you…"

Benji clenched his fists so hard his nails almost broke the skin of his palms.

"I'm an old man, Benjamin," Lovett went on, noting how every mention of Dunn's first name made him jump. "And to treat an old man like this is just… Breaking an old man's nose… trying to strangle him… not very nice, is it, Benjamin?"

Benji could feel that he was losing his composure. He was dangerously close to wrapping his hands around the older man's neck again but he couldn't give him the satisfaction. If he snapped, it would mean that Lovett had won.

"I can see you are having some… difficulties, Benjamin," Lovett noted, as Benji still kept silent. "Trying to figure out how much of your problem is the remains of the drug in your system and how much is your own insanity?"

Benji had to turn around and look away. He could hear Lovett giggle quietly behind him. What the old man didn't know is that Benji was actually trying to hide a malicious grin from him. He suddenly didn't want to hold back. Lovett deserved to pay and he was going to pay…

"I stopped trying to figure that out a while ago," he growled, turning back. "However, that drug is interesting. What was it?"

Lovett was slightly taken aback by the response but tried to continue in the same tone.

"It's something I took from the IMF's laboratories. It was supposed be a truth drug but it had too many side effects and the project was pushed aside. Said side effects include paranoia, memory losses, loss of concentration and in some cases various pains. The main lingering…"

"… The main lingering effect is aggression, sometimes combined with the twisted perception of reality," Benji interrupted, staring at the wall, as if those words were written on it.

Lovett paused for a few seconds before bursting out laughing.

"I knew it!" he exclaimed. "I knew it was your handwriting on those files! What an irony – to fall victim of the weapon you had worked on yourself!"

His voice was suddenly cut off as Benji kicked at the chair he was tied to, sending the older man falling to the ground. The already familiar sensation of someone's hand squeezing his throat was back.

"Now you will shut up and listen," the Englishman hissed through gritted teeth. "If you thought I wouldn't figure out what it was you are a moron. I spent years on this project, I know it through and through. I've had some time here to work on it, by the way. So you have a choice. Either you tell me the name of the person you work for now, or we get it from you when you've become a vegetable. Which one do you choose?"

He could see the shock in Lovett's eyes being mixed with terror. The temptation to break his neck was almost too strong to resist. However, they needed the information first.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Soon the disavowed agent walked in front of the people he used to call his colleagues. Not letting them ask any questions, he just breathed out:  
"We've got the name".


	18. Chapter 18

_A/N: So terribly sorry for the long wait! The story is getting closer to the end. Thank you for still staying with me and this story! Hope you enjoy this chapter! And sorry it's so short :(_

_Still don't own Mission: Impossible._

**Chapter 18**

The bar was crowded as usual, as another Friday night was on.

"So what's new?" Brandt asked as he sat down at the table beside his friends.

"Humphries was denied of reconsideration of his case," Ethan replied, looking at his glass pensively.

It had been over six months since they had gotten the name 'Tony Humphries' from a barely breathing Lovett who had been taken by the Italian police shortly afterwards. He hadn't made it to the police station though. Nobody found the sniper who had gotten him as he had been getting out of the car…

Luther had gathered some forces and soon just enough witnesses were found, and the dealer got caught midway through a deal. Humphries had gotten a life sentence just a few days before now.

"And yet he still manages to make headlines," Jane commented, remembering the papers she had seen lately. _'Anthony 'Tony' Humphries – the drug king', 'Tony Humphries – the governments' secret holder or a hoax?'_ The second one actually bothered her, as she remembered when Humphries had begun to yell out about knowing quite a few mysteries of the US government. And since the IMF had been led by one of his men, she knew that was not a bluff. They were literally in his mercy, and it was only a matter of time till he began to actually speak. Despite not wanting to talk about it, every agent knew that the IMF just had to deal with that, and that there was no way for Humphries' life sentence to be long. And for his life in general, as a matter of fact.

"Do you think…" Brandt started but stuttered, not knowing how to finish the sentence. He was almost one hundred percent sure that killing Humphries was going to be their next mission, given their involvement with this mess from the very start. He hated this part of his job, as it was quite literally murder, but he knew there was no other way. Besides, he had to remind himself, it was war. And Humphries had already caused so many deaths and so much suffering… But now, as Brandt realized just in time to stop, now was not the time and place to talk about it.

Ethan, however, seemingly understood what was in the analyst's mind, as he had kept asking himself that same question for the past days, waiting for the new IMF Secretary to contact him any second. Glancing at Brandt, he saw the same look in his eyes. He shrugged and stared at his drink.

"Any news from Benji?" Brandt asked, changing the subject, his hopeful glance jumping from Ethan to Jane. He looked down again when his teammates shook their heads in response.

The former technician had left them shortly after giving Lovett to the police. He had said that he needed some time alone, away from all the IMF business. They knew that after what he had been through he might never come back. They couldn't blame him for it. And yet it made them feel uneasy. They had no idea where he was now. As far as they knew, he had no close family. They were his closest friends. Without mentioning it, each of them began to regret leaving him all alone, given his condition, although he had told them politely but firmly that he had needed to leave. He had looked like he hadn't been sure if he would ever come back himself.

Suddenly, the entire atmosphere changed. Ethan's phone buzzed, making his teammates' eyes light up and focus on him. Feeling the ever-present sensation of anxiety, the team leader pressed the dial button.

"Hello," his voice was strained, and sensing the other two agents' intense stares on him made him feel even more anxious.

"Ethan," the voice certainly wasn't the Secretary's. However, it still was unmistakably familiar…

"Luther?" Ethan couldn't hide his confusion for some reason. Luther was unlikely to send him on his next mission. Which meant that the IMF had decided to postpone it even further and wait even longer before trying to solve the Humphries problem.

"Guess you haven't heard the news yet," Luther sighed.

"News?" just a few seconds before Ethan had thought it to be impossible to be any more agitated than he had been but now he knew he had been wrong. His uneasiness got caught by his teammates who had even less information and were merely looking at him eagerly.

"Humphries is dead," Luther stated dryly. "Had a heart attack an hour ago".

"Heart attack?" Ethan repeated, bewildered.

"Convenient, isn't it?" Luther mused, making a strong feeling of déjà vu grow in the younger man's mind.

"Do you know if anyone of our…"

"No," Luther interrupted before Hunt could finish the question. "I've got access to the IMF's databases. No records on anyone being on jobs at the given time".

"Maybe it's someone from his business?" Ethan suggested, ignoring Brandt and Jane's still increasing confusion. "Those guys have long reach, too".

"Yeah, must be it," Luther agreed. "Still, organizing a heart attack is more complicated than, say, shooting someone. They must be really well-equipped".

Having finished the conversation, Ethan came face to face with Brandt and Jane. He was really curious about what their opinions on the matter would be…


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N: Thank you for staying with me all this time! The story has come to an end… I really hope this doesn't disappoint you…_

_And no, I don't own them._

**Chapter 19**

"It had to be someone from the IMF," Brandt stated as soon as the three agents had made themselves comfortable in Jane's living room. Of the three of them she lived the closest to their favourite bar, and the recent event clearly needed a more private discussion.

"But it wasn't," Ethan argued. "Besides, we are not the only people who can do things like that. Remember Stevenson?"

"Stevenson was killed by Lovett, who had everything the IMF had to offer at his disposal," Jane reasoned. "The moment Stevenson Broke Benji out all the needed treatment was being prepared for him".

"True," Ethan agreed reluctantly. "But Humphries had _Lovett_ at his disposal, meaning he could have had access to everything within Lovett's reach. And we can't say for sure whether he used that power or not. For all we know, the entire contents of the IMF's laboratories can be in his 'partners'' hands now".

"Yeah…" Jane sighed. The mere thought about the IMF being so exposed made her feel unnaturally vulnerable, as if someone had been breaking into her house and watching her in everyday life without her realising for months.

"Come on, Lovett wasn't that stupid!" Brandt threw his arms in the air, exasperated.

"But Luther hacked the databases," Ethan reminded him. "None of our agents had received the job".

There was an uneasy silence, as the three agents stared blankly into the empty space in front of them, not daring to say a word.

"Unless…" Jane's voice made her teammates jump. Both Ethan and Brandt had a feeling they knew what she was going to say next but weren't sure they wanted to hear it. She cleared her throat before moving on. "Unless it does have something to do with the IMF… but the person who did it is not in our databases…"

Ethan nodded silently.

"It had to be someone prepared," Brandt added without any expression whatsoever. "Someone who knew what to do and how to do it. Maybe a former agent…"

Ethan nodded again. He didn't like to think about it, even though this thought had occurred to him during his phone conversation with Luther a couple of hours before.

"A disavowed agent," Jane's voice was dull and monotonous, "who's had nothing to do with the IMF in a long while so wouldn't raise any suspicions or lead anyone to its trace".

"And who had been involved with this case more than any of us," Brandt concluded, shivers running down his spine.

Ethan let out a deep breath. He still wanted to believe the other option but didn't say anything. No names were called in that conversation and no statements were made for sure.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Time passed. Days, weeks. Months even. Soon there was a new mission. Their first mission as a team without Benji. But not the first celebration of its completion without him.

"Any news from Benji?" why the hell did Brandt keep asking that? It had been a year. That question seemed to have become some sort of a traditional greeting. He would ask it, Jane and Ethan would shake their heads and they would go on talking about random current things, never coming back to the matters of their friend's disappearance.

"Will you stop asking that?" Jane growled this time, having grown tired of this. "If there was anything from him, we would have told you that very instance," she fell silent for a few seconds. "He could have at least told us whether he's okay…" she suddenly added, feeling a lump in her throat. She knew she sounded like a mother of a teenage kid who had left home and never came back. But she was worried, and she knew Brandt and Ethan were, too. She kept telling herself that Benji was a grown man and could take care of himself. However, she also knew he was a troubled man. Back when they had left him he hadn't been completely in control of his emotions, still haunted by nightmares and flashbacks. Maybe they shouldn't have let him go alone.

The agents never got back to their conversation about Humphries' death. Had it really been Benji, he could have been back by that point. Now they had no idea if he was even alive.

"Still…" Brandt put his elbow on the table and supported his chin with his hand. "If these mobs had access to our labs, we would have found out about it by now".

The other two nodded, unable to disagree that there was a point there. Silence fell upon them, as it had often done these days. They just sat, each of them in deep thought, somehow knowing that the other two were thinking something similar to their own thoughts. It felt like they didn't need to actually say anything to be in this odd conversation.

"Can I take this chair please?" a voice broke them all out of their trance. They all looked up simultaneously and stared at the man who was now standing by their table, his hands resting on the back of an empty chair. The man had long-ish black hair and his chin was covered in slight stubble. A wide grin was decorating his face, and it kept growing wider the longer the agents stared at him.

"So…?" he asked, since the three people around the table remained silent.

"Benji?" Brandt croaked, his throat feeling all sore all of a sudden.

"Where have you been?" Jane's voice was reduced to whisper. Her eyes stung but she didn't let the tears fall.

Ethan just smiled as his gaze met the Brit's.

"Visiting an old friend in England," Benji replied, sitting down after having shaken Ethan and Brandt's hands. Jane was still drilling holes in his head with her glare.

"What's with this look?" there were a lot of things Brandt wanted to ask and this was hardly the most important one but it escaped his mouth before he could put any thought into it.

"I had to look… different," Benji's smile faded for a tiny bit, a shadow crossing his face for a second, but it was gone very fast. "Just… felt like I needed to".

"So you were visiting a friend?" Ethan asked in the most casual tone possible.

"Yeah, he lives in the country, in Gloucestershire," Benji replied, looking away.

"A whole year in the country?" Brandt asked carefully. "Isn't that a bit… boring for you?"

In his head Brandt had a slightly different question, but he just didn't know how to ask it. _Isn't a year a bit too long for just a visit of a friend?_

"I really needed this," Benji looked down, avoiding meeting his friends' eyes with his gaze. "So what's new here?"

"Humphries is dead," Jane spoke up finally, feeling a huge boulder being lifted from her shoulders. Benji was there, with them. And, most importantly, he was alright. Despite all the things they were now trying to figure out.

"I know," Benji swallowed and looked away again. It was clear that this conversation was making him feel uncomfortable. But that didn't prove anything because it was absolutely understandable for him to feel that way regardless of whether he had anything to do with Humphries' death or not.

"So what are you going to do now?" Ethan suddenly asked, changing the subject in an a bit too obvious manner. "Are you going to going to come back to…" he lowered his voice, "… to your old job?"

Benji smiled, finally looking up at his friends again.

"If you guys want to take me back," he grinned again. "I have already talked to the Secretary".

The smile they hadn't seen in over a year was way too contagious for them to not join in. And despite the question was still bugging the three agents, they felt like asking it wouldn't change anything. Some things are better when they remain secret.

**The End**


End file.
